starless (starless) wrote,

"What is wrong with you, you seem upset?"
"I'm bipolar. I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of a downswing and things are just bad"
"Well you're bringing everybody down..."

That should've been the point where I:

  1. Told her to fuck right off

  2. Removed her from my life because that sort of attitude not only doesn't help, it actually worsens things)

  3. Punched her right in the mouth

All of that flashed through my head as in one of those movies where the misunderstood protagonist is being denigrated by a mean boss and in a cut scene shows the downtrodden character beating the crap out of the domineering boss.

Or something.

What I should do is keep a pamphlet about how to deal with people who suffer from depression and/or bipolar disorder and hand it to people who make idiotic, ignorant comments such as "cheer up!" "everybody gets sad sometimes," and the new gem "well your mood is bringing everybody down, man."

Or I can give in to the impulse to punish myself for being so worthless that I can't even have stable moods or a baseline emotional state that isn't grey, depressed, and morose.

I wish I wasn't like this. I can't help it. My life is in the state that I find it now due to 20-some years of depression, bipolar disorder (they used to call it Manic Depression!), and coping mechanisms.
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