starless (starless) wrote,

My sister is moving to Arizona on Wednesday and I'm really upset about it. Incredibly sad.

Not to mention that she didn't even mention it until I asked her. And the only reason I thought to ask was because my dad told me she's leaving this week. I knew she was buying a house with her fiance. But that was about the size of it.

I don't know if that's what's making me sad. Is it the fact that she apparently wasn't going to say anything to me?

Is it because I probably won't see her again? That this begins the period of our lives where I only see her every few years could be it...

It could be that I thought we'd have a chance to repair the unspoken damage our relationship suffered while we were taking care of mom. We both insist that everything is "fine," but I'm not sure about that. We don't talk much any more. We've seen each other maybe 2 or 3 times since mom died. Am I upset because she's leaving with that hanging in the air?

I don't know. I don't want her to move. That's the child's voice. The little voice inside that selfishly wants something to happen to keep her here. It's not fair and it's not right, and in all actuality I am happy for her, but that little voice won't quiet.

She wants me to move out west. I want to move out west. I don't know how to do that with my life in the state that it's in.

Now who do I list as my emergency contact?

How do I move out west when I'm the only sibling left in the area with Dad?

Why does this make me feel even more alone than I already feel?
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