starless (starless) wrote,

  • Music:

Vicodin and Guinness

Let's see...

I've got nothing to write. And I'm self-medicating tonight. That in and of itself should mean that I have at least something to write, but no, I'm at a loss for words.


I've got two playlists being built for Rachel. One is for when I feel good about her and one is for when I feel bad because of her...
What's unfortunate is that the depressing playlist seems to be growing than the happy one.


The other night we were drunk while watching Firefly... and we both drew a comparison between Malcom and Inara and Rachel and I. I think our words were "we're in love with each other, but we're both too hard-headed to let anything happen."

I feel like she's dishonest with me. She feels like... well, I don't really know, because all I get is that she's confused.


This post was about to turn into a "quarterly update," but I'm already putting a stop to it. I know I haven't written much about the details of some things in the last few months. I guess I'm internalizing it. It's like I have a ton of things to say, I compose the words in my mind as I go through my day... and as soon as I sit down and try to post... it just feels pointless to even write about it.

All I know is that right now, at this moment, I feel alone. Very alone.


So tonight I will continue to eat Vicodin and drink Guinness. Until I pass out. Brilliant!
Tags: alcoholism, drunk, firefly, personal - general, personal - love, rachel, self-medication, vicodin
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