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Sometimes I think the time of compassion is over. How can I extend compassion to those with a demonstrable lack of it?

But then I remember how it feels when I don’t extend my hand. When I don’t offer understanding.

How do I continue to think of others in the age of narcissism and hate?

How do I continue to offer love to someone who has obviously subjugated my sister?

If you thought that this post was going somewhere, stop reading now. It doesn’t. I have no answers. I’m lost and I don’t know what the future holds. The only thing that seems to make sense is getting in my car and driving. And keep driving.
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(no subject)

I'm losing my will.

My career is over. After 20 years in theatre, live production, and events, I haven't developed skills for any other field. Every time I look for work on Indeed, I'm looking at close to a 50% pay reduction.

How do I continue? How do I keep my chin up and perservere when there is no goal to work toward?
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So it's about time for a Covid update

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How are you? How are things in your world? How are you holding up?

So, a current update would mention that I now live in a house in Pinole and the weather is amazing. I'm on the lease. It's really affordable and not in SF, which is wonderful.

I've been back to Juneau to gather Oswin and my things, and I stayed with Danielle and Jeff for about 2 weeks before that. It's all old news now, but, wow, was it a strange experience to be living in my truck, driving to and from Arizona, looking for a place to live, and flying around, to and from Juneau during the lockdown and then the Black Lives Matter explosion.

Oh, and I tested negative for CoV-2 last time I flew into Juneau, which was only 2 weeks ago. So, at least I know I haven't been driving and flying around while asympomatic and infecting people. I *have* been pretty careful. And living in my truck during the first wave peak was actually a serendipitous turn because I ended up being very isolated. And in a beautiful place.

I transfered my expired PA driver's license to CA today. Don't ask me how... but I will say that half of social engineering is knowing when to not say anything at all. I'm really glad it worked, though, because now I can apply for jobs that require a CA DL. Those are the types of jobs I think I want while I shift gears and study for a couple certs. Otherwise, I would've had to wait until they actually start giving driving tests again, and who knows when that may be.

It's time to swtich careers. I can't let this happen again... and saying that feels inappropriate because we're not even "through" this time, yet.

So there are some things. I'm feeling hopeful.
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Change Your Password

I think LJ forced a password change a little while ago, but if you haven't changed it in a while, do it now. This is a breach that LJ made known and was reported on previously, but the data dump finally appeared on 5/26. The breach happened in January, 2017 (or 2014? depending on source), but the info hadn't appeared in the wild until now.

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So it's about time for a Covid update


My theater closed. We still have no idea if it will reopen.

I was evicted from my apartment in San Francisco. Not for any particular reason; I paid my rent 2 weeks early every month for the entire time I was in Juneau, but they decided that I should leave the day my contract ended in Juneau.

I told my dad my situation and his response was "[I'm] too old to get into this sort of mess." Right. Silly, irresponsible me wasn't prepared to be evicted and unemployed while the industry my career was in has collapsed with no end in sight due to a mishandled pandemic. Totally my fault, though.

I'm in the Bay Area to move out my things and put everything into storage. I'm living in my truck. No one will give me a couch to crash on. Not family, not friends, no one. Which is what happens when your roommates throw you out in the middle of a pandemic with an almost 90,000 person death toll so far.

I'm getting UI through California, and that's good. At least I'm not starving.

No one I know has died, yet.

How are you? How are things in your world? How are you holding up?
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So, you apply fior jobs in your field. You've been in this field for about twenty years, give or take, but you still expect a certain number of rejections. Most of the time they're not even rejections, they're more about the interviewer and their feelings about working with you because at this point in your career, you know that you know how to do the job and so do they. It's obvious. And rejections based on personality are not really rejections, imho.

Then something happens and you find yourself appplying for work in the only places that remain operating. Grocery stores. You can't even get an interview. You can't get a call back.

Let me be the person to tell you that it's a special sort of rejection. It's the kind of rejection that cuts right to the bone of your existance. You've been in A/V, live production, and theatre for over twenty years. You rarely even interview any longer, you just get gigs. Suddenly, after twenty years of managing shows, of transferring shows between cities, twenty years of building events in a few hours and taking them down in half the time you're not qualified to run a cash register. You're not qualified to put some merchandise on a shelf. You're not qualified to stand by an entrance and welcome people into a store.

And you have nothing to show for a career in live production... after twenty years.
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(no subject)

All sorts of things have happened.

One, we have closed. We finished building Fun Home and instead of tech we filmed a couple songs and scenes and then closed the theater. We are all furloughed or laid off or fired or something.

I guess I'll be going back to the Bay and the next few days to pack up my apt and go to Seattle.

Or take my things to Arizona and stick them in a storage space. Then I'll either live there for a while or just park my truck at her house and return to Juneau.

I can't believe I'm thinking of moving here permanently, but at this moment in my life, it's the only place where I have a decent support system in place. Plus, I can live here relatively cheaply for the summer and by Fall, hopefully, things will start returning to normal in the event world?

Who knows, but those are the best plans I have at the moment. Moving to Seatlle would actually be pretty exciting, but I have no support there (aside from a good friend from high school). Actually, rent would be free for a while...

And I'd have a lot more opportunity for side work, which is how I'm going to survive in the coming months.